i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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