Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
from now on my penis is your penis
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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