My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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