yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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