Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize