I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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