why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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