I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
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I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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