omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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