I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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