You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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