I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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