She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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