I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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