Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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