wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize