i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize