Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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