dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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