is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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