you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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