Texts From Last Night

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  (213): View more from California

  those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later

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  (213): those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later http://tfl.nu/envj
  Replies (9) Good night (6032) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so im guessing thats a no.....

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  (216): dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits." (814): so im guessing thats a no..... http://tfl.nu/rer4
  Replies (25) Good night (1133) Bad night (3491)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  capris are just wrong

  (703): View more from Virginia

  its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"

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  (703): capris are just wrong (703): its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!" http://tfl.nu/xkxd
  Replies (55) Good night (847) Bad night (2447)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.

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  (859): It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl. http://tfl.nu/qaad
  Replies (19) Good night (4216) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.

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  (503): She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis. http://tfl.nu/3s19
  Replies (47) Good night (8587) Bad night (2000) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad

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  (214): I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad http://tfl.nu/x185
  Replies (15) Good night (986) Bad night (4000) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.

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  (815): I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle. http://tfl.nu/ehxx
  Replies (4) Good night (3401) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona

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  (503): still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona http://tfl.nu/3dwf
  Replies (8) Good night (1062) Bad night (2614) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.

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  (301): I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands. http://tfl.nu/945a
  Replies (8) Good night (1524) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor

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  (310): Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor http://tfl.nu/gni2
  Replies (7) Good night (494) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake

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  (858): I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake http://tfl.nu/hoqc
  Replies (8) Good night (969) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I have dibs on his crisis of faith.

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  (419): I have dibs on his crisis of faith. http://tfl.nu/qzr2
  Replies (1) Good night (754) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.

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  (616): You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today. http://tfl.nu/z6l8
  Replies (2) Good night (617) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.

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  (719): Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uyof
  Replies (5) Good night (1269) Bad night (242)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.

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  (208): Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up. http://tfl.nu/qoxa
  Replies (9) Good night (373) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt

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