We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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