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It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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