I need help removing her.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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