I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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