my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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