having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize