You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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