I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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