Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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