Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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