so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize