oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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