I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize