Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize