When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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