why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
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Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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