please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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