Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize