Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
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We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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