Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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