My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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