summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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