Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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