i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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