they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
3 2 1 whiskey
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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