sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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