I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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