All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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